Preparation

Wednesday, December 02, 2009 9:01 AM


This morning as I drove into work, it was still pitch black outside. The standing water on the roads I travel to come to work was invisible in many spots and I’m glad this morning that I chose to travel at or below the speed limit on the surface roads. It is wet and cold, the two together making today of one my least favorite weather days (ya’ll know I’m ALWAYS cold, but wet and cold is the worse!) I got here early, 6:12 to be exact, logging onto my computer well before 7 am for the third day in a row, feeling pretty good. Navigating through the computer prompts, I made my way to the Blackboard site to see if any of my instructors had posted grades. In particular I was looking for my last Tax Memo grade and Final Test grade. I eagerly clicked on the highlighted message that a grade had been posted, excited about it.

56. I had to search the page to see what that meant. How many points was that out of? My eyes darted across the page, looking for an indication of scale, a standard, the measurability factor that would tell me what a 56 was. 56 out of 100? 56 out of 100! 56 OUT OF 100?! What grade is that? Let’s see, seventy is a C, sixty is a D, less than sixty is an…… F. Oh my God! I got an F on my final. My heart sank like it was tethered to an anvil and thrown into the lake. I sank to the bottom quicker than I anticipated, bubbles in tow as I lost my breath, hoping to be buoyed back to the surface by perhaps something I might have missed in my reading. But there it was on the screen: 56 out of 100. DANG! I failed my final exam. DANG! I failed my final exam. DANG! I failed my final exam. How did that happen?

I know you’re wondering: did you study? Yes, I studied.

My studying was obviously not enough and obviously not the right items. Since I made a B on the first test (mid term), I knew how to study for this class and I felt pretty confident going into the test, especially since I had gone over the problems, understood the concepts-especially concerning distributions and redemption of stock and all that (or so I thought). I had that down pat. When I got in there, there were a few things I didn’t exactly remember, so I made an educated guess using the process of elimination and went on. When I left Monday I felt ok about it. It was one of those “I think I did ok, but I’m really not sure” feelings as I drove home after class. I was not expecting to see such a profound indictment against my preparation and skill ability in this class for these particular chapters. I’m wondering what kind of sign this is. All I keep thinking is “poor preparation leads to piss poor performance.”

I’m embarrassed to be sharing this, but it’s me. Before sending this email, I reviewed my “POSSE” distribution list and saw all the names on it of people I admire, respect, love, and cherish. Some of the names on this list are those who I would rather only send the “good stuff” too, if you know what I mean. I strongly considered taking them out of the recipient list, because this is bad and I didn’t want them to know about this. But while reviewing the list, my spirit reminded me that my standard is not other people, regardless of their status in my life. My standard for excellence is not dictated by others, but comes from the One who created me. So each of you is receiving this email, unabridged and without discrimination (even though I’m more embarrassed to share this with some of you than others). I have to share the good and bad, right? The pretty and ugly (this is pretty ugly). I’m hoping sharing it is going to help me get it off my chest and into the atmosphere so I can push on. I’m also hoping that my failure on this test will help someone who reads this. (Chris and John, this is especially for you. Sometimes things just don’t work out and at the end of the day, you have to cut your losses and move forward.) Even down the last second before sending this, I contemplated scrapping the entire email. But I’m sending it.

In a strange way I feel that a conversation I had with the Lord (not Lyord) yesterday morning in prayer prepared me for today. In our conversation he was dealing with me about preparation time, how I needed to spend more time in preparation for what was to come. I have always been what the world calls a “one-take” kind of girl. A lot of things I am able to do without a lot of time and prior preparation because I was just good at it. For assignments, I could do things a day or two before, turn it in and get an A. For creative ventures, I could make up things on the spot and it would turn out great. But yesterday, the Creator clearly told me that the things that I am to do in the future will not be able to be done in “one-take” and that I would have to prepare extensively for their success. With that hovering in my spirit like a humming bird over a fresh bloom, I stepped into today and walked right into the manifestation of those words. I studied for two days, ample time for me in the past. But obviously, this was my first lesson in my revelation. So to the Creator I say “point taken.”

So as disappointed as I am in myself, today will pass and I will prepare myself better for what’s ahead. Are there things in your life you need to be preparing for? I’m learning through the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People that the Quadrant II Things are where most of our time should be spent (See below). Don’t spend your entire life in Quadrant I, III, or IV. Not sure what the Creator is dealing with you about, but when you see it or hear it, take heed.


I’ll be alright. I definitely have some more praying to do, more fasting to do, more listening to do. And as embarrassed as I am, I’m grateful to be able to share my weakness. I’m trading this weakness in for a strength. If you see me veering off the path, you have my permission to call me out.

Side note: Would you share your preparation techniques with me? For life, for tests, for presentations, for whatever. There is a wealth of information in you and I’d like to draw on that. Please share something with me, if only a little nugget.

Embarrassed but growing,

Crys

Aye, Dios Mio- Tuesday, December 01, 2009 9:22 AM

Tuesday, December 01, 2009 9:22 AM

We have an onsite cleaning service in our building and the Mexican gentleman and I have brief conversations in Spanish if I run into him around the building. We have built camaraderie around my wanting to practice my Spanish skills. So in passing, we share our salutations, talk a little about weather, and our weekend plans in Spanish. This same guy checks the restrooms every morning to be sure they have supplies like toilet paper, hand soap, and he also cleans the mirrors. Before entering the restroom, he uses this metal thing to tap on the door to see if there is anyone in the restroom before he comes in. I’m not sure what time he begins this ritual in the morning, but sometime between 7 am and 10 am, it is done. If someone is in the restroom, he waits outside the door until they come out.

Now call it coincidence or what have you, but in recent days, it has been in the morning, sometime between 7:30 and about 9:45 that my body indicates to me that it is time for our “Talk with Jesus”, if you will. Always having reading materials with me (lately my articles for class or something I’m proof reading for someone else), I slide my literature and a pen (for taking notes) into an interoffice envelope and travel to another floor’s lavatory to handle my business. Sometimes I go to the 3rd floor, sometimes to the 5th floor, sometimes I stay on my own floor (but don’t do this often because I don’t want anyone recognizing my shoes… you know what I mean). Now in months pass, there have been several times when I was “talking with Jesus” and heard that tapping on the door. Needless to say, my immediate reaction is “Dang!” followed by a loud and clear, almost melodic “SOMEBODY’S IN HERE…” And depending on whether I had just arrived or was midway through my visit, I dreaded the inevitable face-to-face meeting with this guy, the same guy who I greet with a “Buenos Dias” or a “Buenos tardes” when we greet around the building. And it’s not like you can hurry up or anything like that when you’re “talking to the Lord.” It takes its own sweet time. And with each passing minute, the embarrassment, irritation, and dread builds like a bricklayer stacking mortar-brick-mortar-brick, until all you see is a wall of inevitable, uncomfortable meeting that must be climbed over. I’m sitting there, thinking to myself “Maybe he’ll go on to another floor and come back this time….” wishing to make a stealth escape without him knowing I’m the culprit- again. But to no avail. It doesn’t matter how long my “talk” ends up taking; when I am through, and open the door to the lavatory, there he is, all smiles of course, saying “Hola” and there I am, sheepish and embarrassed saying “Hola” in response, rushing away like a blushing school girl, wanting to be a flea so I’d be so small he wouldn’t see me come out. Just last week I was “caught” on the 3rd floor.

This morning I did it big and went all the way to the 6th floor for my daily “talk”, thinking that I would dodge the Mexican’s silent, patient guard, trying to tap into his strategy for the task. Maybe started on the bottom floor or better yet, maybe he hadn’t started at all and I wouldn’t run into him at all. But no such luck. Once I was settled, on the second page of my literature, there was the tap-tap-tap on the door. “DANG…” I thought. “SOMEBODY’S IN HERE…” I replied to the tapping. The time drug on like a lecture class taught by an attorney and I promise things seemed to slow down like the trains going through Alabaster, as if they weren’t moving at a turtle’s pace already. But finally, literature neatly slid back into the interoffice envelope and sealed, hands washed and properly sanitized, paper towel in hand so I don’t touch the door handle on the way out, I emerged to face him yet again… “Hola” I say first. “Hola” he says in reply, his mouth smiling but his eyes definitely saying “not you again.” You could see the corners of his mouth rise ever so slightly as if he wanted to giggle or laugh at our chance meeting. At least he was gracious enough not to roll his eyes. I think I would have died if he had.

I’m thinking why must we meet like this so often? Is this some form of weekly punishment? Is this a candid camera type thing? Did my coworkers put him up to this, sending him my way soon after I leave my office? WHY are we meeting like this? I wish this would stop. I just want to “talk with Jesus” in peace. Is that too much to ask?

As I typed this, I laughed out loud several times. I hope you did too.

Lining up my ducks

In an effort to prepare myself for the coming year, I took about 20 minutes this afternoon to browse through my Outlook calendar to reflect on what I've done in 2009, mostly perusing the entries since January for a small glimpse of how I've spent my time. The first thing I noticed is I didn't use Outlook during the first quarter of the year for anything other than birthdays and anniversary's, which puzzles me because for the last three quarters, the calendar was full of events, perhaps indicative of a more active life calendar that needed closer management and reminders to keep in tact.

I'm attempting to learn how to live more by principle, wanting my decision making to be consistent with the things I truly value and build towards the legacy I want to leave behind. So after making a list of things I've done based on my Outlook calendar, I found my values worksheet I'd prepared earlier this year from my 7 Habits of Highly Effective People planner and was looking for a place to plug all my "life information" into so I can really be intentional about mapping out the important things, or, as they say, being sure first things are first.

A google search for a life planning template led me to the website of Michael Hyatt, and began to peruse, in search of easy to use spreadsheet or other document to try to plug all this "life" stuff into. As I read over the articles, I began to hear echoes and even quotes of the things taught in 7 Habits, and found the information quite helpful. One thing that interested me is his an annual time block that gives a visual picture of time that you can block off for annual important things so they don't get pushed to the wayside by the immediate and urgent.

http://michaelhyatt.com/2009/01/creating-an-annual-time-block.html

So those of you who are looking to live your next year or several years focused and intentionally and with specific purpose, perhaps the resources and articles found on his site may be of assistance to you.

Here's to a new beginning at an old life,

Crys

Source VS Re-Source

Today I believe I got a small taste of what many unemployed or reduced hour employees are experiencing in the United States. Today is payday, a usually non-eventful day. On this new time sheet system, if your time sheet isn't approved, you will not get paid. Period.

So this morning, my usually non-eventful payday was met with confusion and inquiry when I logged onto my online banking portal to find a deposit amount that was half of what I was expecting. We just switched over to this new time sheet system a month ago, so I was wondering if there had been some discussion about there being another one week pay period that I had forgotten about.

At any rate, I asked a coworker to check their deposit to be sure it was correct, just to be sure others were or were not in the same predicament. As she searched, I looked back through my time sheets and discovered this week and last week’s time sheets unapproved. I couldn’t make out what time period should have been paid today, so I inquired about the last time sheet was approved for a colleague and sure enough, there was one week not approved on my own.

While IM’ing her, I realized that for the next two weeks I would have a gap, a lull in my otherwise steady flow of cash. I immediately began to think about the bills that would be coming through today, being the 16th of the month, and the ones that would ensue during the next two weeks, some automatically deducted from my account to ensure they are not forgotten, and others that I would have been writing checks for. I thought about the possibility of my gas options, the necessity for me to carpool for the next two weeks to conserve as much as possible, and what I had at home to eat since I would be limited on grocery/eating out. I went into survivor mode.

I started to get angry, questioning whether I had entered a time sheet too late (I don’t think I had), what may have happened. But the spirit of God ended my silent tirade just as immediately as it had begun and shifted my focus to others whose predicament was similar: the thousands of Jefferson County employees who were placed on administrative leave for the last 2 months due to county budget problems. I thought about their mortgages that still have to be paid, families that still need to be fed, gas they still needed to have to get around, and just how much they depended on that pay check to be there every week to satisfy their needs.

“What if I didn’t get a paycheck?” I asked myself. It sat on my chest like a sumo wrestler, heavy and not budging. “What if I didn’t get a paycheck?” I asked again, my head trying to comprehend what that might mean for me, a family of one, with all the same bills of a family of 6, theirs, of course, trumping my own in monetary value. What if this were all gone, just like that?

My colleague, at this point concerned for me, offered her help for anything that I might need and I thanked her with this reply. “Thank you. God will provide.”

There are two reasons that come to mind for my response to this situation. The first is because I needed to type or speak out loud a promise I know to be true. It was a calming statement. Second, because this morning when I prayed, I asked God to show me how I could be a blessing to others, and in the midst of this situation, I needed her to know that I knew who my source was and hopefully, if she is ever in a similar predicament, that God will provide for her too. We also prayed “Lord we know you are our SOURCE,” and today he is testing how well I really know that. We are supposed to be LIGHT, show others that our God is our stablizer, not the circumstances. I pray that's what she saw today.

As I write this, I’m feeling the tears well up in my eyes and I want to cry. Perhaps I will before this morning is over, but I’m pretty good at having a set countenance even in the midst of irregularities.

God is so funny, because I had a situation happen last week that caught me off guard. But as a result of it, all my bills for the beginning of this month are already paid with the exception of 1 or 2. So although the next two weeks will be short, my expenses are taken care of. And although the situation may have LOOKED adverse last week, God knew today was coming. Perhaps it was a set up because He knew the RE-SOURCE would be short this week.

I will not pretend to have an understanding of the financial situation many families are facing now. But today I got an inkling of the concerned thought and prayer that is going on about their livelihood. So I offer this word to you, in hopes that it will bring some peace of mind to your troubled hearts.

Luke 12-22-34
22And [Jesus] said to His disciples, Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious and troubled [with cares] about your life, as to what you will [have to] eat; or about your body, as to what you will [have to] wear.

23For life is more than food, and the body [more] than clothes.

24Observe and consider the ravens; for they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn; and [yet] God feeds them. Of how much more worth are you than the birds!

25And which of you by being overly anxious and troubled with cares can add a [e]cubit to his stature or a moment [unit] of time to his [f]age [the length of his life]?

26If then you are not able to do such a little thing as that, why are you anxious and troubled with cares about the rest?

27Consider the lilies, how they grow. They neither [wearily] toil nor spin nor [g]weave; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory (his splendor and magnificence)
was not arrayed like one of these. [I Kings 10:4-7.]

28But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today, and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will He clothe you, O you [people] of little faith?

29And you, do not seek [by meditating and reasoning to inquire into] what you are to eat and what you are to drink; nor be of anxious (troubled) mind [[h]unsettled,
excited, worried, and [i]in suspense];

30For all the pagan world is [greedily] seeking these things, and your Father knows that you need them.

31Only aim at and strive for and seek His kingdom, and all these things shall be supplied to you also.

32Do not be seized with alarm and struck with fear, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom!

33Sell what you possess and give donations to the poor; provide yourselves with purses and handbags that do not grow old, an unfailing and inexhaustible treasure in the heavens, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.

34For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Remember that God is your Source and just because your Re-Source dried up, God will provide another Re-source. Continue to trust Him, lean on Him for everything- your sanity, your peace, your joy, your strength, your comfort, your EVERYTHING. He will take care of you!

I pray my sharing has convinced someone to keep holding on to the Master’s hand. He will provide for you! Instead of crying, I am smiling, because I know who is taking care of me.

Thursday Morning Musings: Chik Fil A Break

And now the morning story…

Company volunteers for the Susan Komen Race for the Cure manned a table in our lobby this morning selling breakfast and I wanted to purchase a biscuit both to support them and to support my hungry belly. Being charity, the biscuits were 3 dollars and all I had was 1 dollar in change. So I stood there, counting my nickels and dimes (where are quarters when you need them?) and a guy comes up with a 5 dollar bill, purchases a biscuit and tells them to keep the change. Immediately seeing an opportunity, I asked my friends at the table if I could borrow the 2 extra dollars, put my 1 with it and get a biscuit. They both looked at me and chuckled. Understanding my rationale they agreed. I immediately held out my handful of a dollars worth in change like a kid handing a store clerk their allowance for a candy treat, and in turn, they handed me a chunky foil wrapped chicken biscuit.

The biscuit was not as crunchy or brown as I like them so I decided to toast it in the small toaster oven over in payroll (the next room over). I put the biscuit into the toaster oven with the wrapper on it, thinking the wrapper is aluminum foil (it’s shiny ). At any rate, the part of the wrapper burnt up a little bit and caused the payroll department to smell like a campfire… and looking up at the ceiling, I noticed that we don’t have any sprinklers in the room in case of a fire. So I begin asking the employees, “what are we going to do if there is a fire up here?” and found out there is a fire extinguisher in the room, all the while trying to distract them from the horrible burn smell coming from the toaster oven.

Needless to say I quickly discarded the burned wrapper, wrapped my only semi toasted biscuit in napkins (the wrapper blocked the red light from browning it up and I did not want to put it back in the toaster oven after I had caused such a stench in the department), grabbed my hot cocoa and high tailed it back to my desk.

Moral of the story: 3 Lessons to take away…

1. The wrappers on Chik fil A chicken biscuits ARE NOT 100% aluminum foil. SO, do not put them in the toaster over AND do not put them in the microwave. Either occurrence will make them burn and cause a horrible stench or even CAUSE A FIRE...

2. You should support the Susan Komen Race for the Cure if all you do is purchase a pin or buy a biscuit. Breast cancer research needs your help. (Especially my sisters... your sisters are dying) Remember Dr. Lisa Newman http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/07/21/bia.triple.negative.cancer/index.html )

3. For a safety check at work, find out where your nearest fire extinguisher or heart defibrillator is. It could save a life, maybe yours.

Uncle Henry: No trouble at all...

I just got off the phone with my uncle Henry, my mothers brother. He’s here in VA visiting with my grandmother. He lives in Germany and usually visits Pi (my grandma's nickname) once a year.

He’s in his 50’s and has recently been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. During our conversation he forgot my name, asked me about family members repeatedly, and at one point you could tell he was a little confused. During our conversation, however hey said several things that stick out to me and it is a reminder to me that when you boil life down, it’s the smallest things that mean the most to you and others.

Keep in touch

He appreciates me keeping in touch even though he lives in Germany. I still send him an occasional card to him for birthdays and just because. And in his slowly failing memory, that’s what he most about remembers about me. I'm humbled.

You can’t be everything to everybody; so don't stress yourself about it. He said I should be in no rush to do anything. “Live," he said, but take it step by step, day by day. “Enjoy your life, it’s all you have.”

Family is family...they belong to you...

...to which I replied “… and sometimes you wish they were not…” to which he replied, “no, I’m glad I belong to this family, and the rest, the other stuff, you just gotta take day by day. But I never have wished for another family.”

It made me ashamed that I even joked about wishing some family members were not connected to me. I will try my hardest not to entertain the thought that “getting rid” of someone else will alleviate my own life’s frustrations. We were born to bear one another.

Proverbs 17:17
"Friends love through all kinds of weather, and families stick together in all kinds of trouble."

Trouble comes for everyone...

I'm thinking about him, and the troubled days ahead. I think I understand he may be saying to me between the lines: If I can jokingly push off a family member because they've made trouble in their lives or are causing trouble for me, I could justify somehow leaving that person behind, wishing away their presence. And in terms of Uncle Henry, how cruel would it be if my casual thoughts caused me to leave him behind because he was that "trouble."

He mentioned that he was ready to go back home and that he just didn't want to be no trouble for anyone, and I know what he is saying. For the first time, before hanging up, we exchanged the words "I love you." And in that instance, hearing his voice, the intonation, and the words felt like a hug across the miles. And for that, I am truly grateful.

This afternoon, I share with you the same message and give you the words of my uncle who is in his own right still a young man battling with the prospect of forgetting the ones he loves most to a condition that steals memories and identities is the subtlest of ways.

And when I'm asked to step in to stand next to my loved ones in time of trouble or happiness, I'll use the phrase that I've heard so many times in movies from times past.... "No, boss, that's no trouble. No trouble at all... I'll be on..."

You'll be telling your grandchildren 'bout us...

Just wait until tonight... I've got a story to tell you.