Uncle Henry: No trouble at all...

I just got off the phone with my uncle Henry, my mothers brother. He’s here in VA visiting with my grandmother. He lives in Germany and usually visits Pi (my grandma's nickname) once a year.

He’s in his 50’s and has recently been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. During our conversation he forgot my name, asked me about family members repeatedly, and at one point you could tell he was a little confused. During our conversation, however hey said several things that stick out to me and it is a reminder to me that when you boil life down, it’s the smallest things that mean the most to you and others.

Keep in touch

He appreciates me keeping in touch even though he lives in Germany. I still send him an occasional card to him for birthdays and just because. And in his slowly failing memory, that’s what he most about remembers about me. I'm humbled.

You can’t be everything to everybody; so don't stress yourself about it. He said I should be in no rush to do anything. “Live," he said, but take it step by step, day by day. “Enjoy your life, it’s all you have.”

Family is family...they belong to you...

...to which I replied “… and sometimes you wish they were not…” to which he replied, “no, I’m glad I belong to this family, and the rest, the other stuff, you just gotta take day by day. But I never have wished for another family.”

It made me ashamed that I even joked about wishing some family members were not connected to me. I will try my hardest not to entertain the thought that “getting rid” of someone else will alleviate my own life’s frustrations. We were born to bear one another.

Proverbs 17:17
"Friends love through all kinds of weather, and families stick together in all kinds of trouble."

Trouble comes for everyone...

I'm thinking about him, and the troubled days ahead. I think I understand he may be saying to me between the lines: If I can jokingly push off a family member because they've made trouble in their lives or are causing trouble for me, I could justify somehow leaving that person behind, wishing away their presence. And in terms of Uncle Henry, how cruel would it be if my casual thoughts caused me to leave him behind because he was that "trouble."

He mentioned that he was ready to go back home and that he just didn't want to be no trouble for anyone, and I know what he is saying. For the first time, before hanging up, we exchanged the words "I love you." And in that instance, hearing his voice, the intonation, and the words felt like a hug across the miles. And for that, I am truly grateful.

This afternoon, I share with you the same message and give you the words of my uncle who is in his own right still a young man battling with the prospect of forgetting the ones he loves most to a condition that steals memories and identities is the subtlest of ways.

And when I'm asked to step in to stand next to my loved ones in time of trouble or happiness, I'll use the phrase that I've heard so many times in movies from times past.... "No, boss, that's no trouble. No trouble at all... I'll be on..."

25 days to 29: Remember The Good Times

Cab ride to Manhattan from Queens: $17.26
Dinner for two at a swank Manhattan restaurant: $96.37
Ice Cream for two at Chickalicious Desert Bar: $18.54
Visiting places that bring back to your husband’s Alzheimer’s memory the good times: Priceless


As I rode into work Friday morning, I tuned into NPR radio and during Morning Edition I listened to an interesting story about a couple who had been married for years and were being interviewed. The husband and wife had northern accents and during their conversation, I enjoyed their witty back-and-forth banter. They discussed the husband having alzeihmers and how things have changed since he has been dealing with it.

He commented on how beautiful his wife was, how he had watched her body change over the years, but enjoyed her wrinkles nonetheless. “She’s my buddy, my pal, my best friend,” he said. “You know, as you get older, you need different things from your mate.” Then out of nowhere he adds “She’s never been that great of a cook, but she sure knows how to make good reservations,” both of them begin laughing.

His comment about her sub par cooking made me to burst into laughter, in the solitude of my vehicle. It warms me up that this man and woman, at the hilt of the mid 1900’s, when part of a woman’s primary role was to cook, found a way around it, and made it work for them. As I exited my vehicle and headed into the building, I made a mental note that I would share this delightful information with someone else in hopes that they would laugh at his honest and candid expression.

As the day continued, I had a chance to take lunch to my sweetie, and then went to meet up with a gentleman who will be speaking at our church for youth Sunday the last Sunday of this month. His organization Stop the Violence focuses on increasing the peace on the streets of the city. We had a very open conversation about the state of our youth, how we grew up, and ways we could continue to reach out to them. Miss B's is a great place for soul food (if you didn't know. It's on 4th Avenue and 16th Street!)

I received a phone call not long after leaving lunch and was pleasantly surprised to be able to go to Casino Royale, a fundraiser for UAB Healthy Happy Kids Program. Talk about a delight. I got to wear a cute dress, spend someone else’s money, and meet some great people! If you missed it, SHAME ON YOU! You would have had a ball! I met some AWESOME people doing some great work in their careers to help others live better lives. My hats off to my friend Katrina Marshall and her team for pulling off an awesome fundraiser!