Thank you for loving me first...

I learned early on about agape love, the kind of love that overlooks faults and covers your past as if it hasn't happened with a caveat not to repeat it. I've known this love for myself since I was 6 years old when I took that long walk down the aisle to the front of the church to give my heart to the Lord. My love walk is my daily struggle, especially with those I have identified as selfish. Today's course of events have challenged me in several ways. They have made me more conscious of others, yet to take better care of myself. It reminded me again that I do not live in a vacuum, that my life is to share with others, and that how I take care of myself determines what others are able to get from me. Most of all, today I was reminded of the type of love that compelled me to the altar at 6 years old. The type of love that sees the mess you are, the faults you possess, and the embarrassment and shame of sin on your countenance and says still "it's ok." If you're like me, you lack confidence in your walk when there are things that you know you should have/could have done better. There are times when my acceptance of guilt for things gone wrong has paralyzed me with the enemies' thoughts of unworthiness. Isn't it a blessing, however, that love even removes the sting of guilt and shame and restores your confidence and boldness, not in your own actions, but in the promises contained in the Word, like Jeremiah 29, that this is "a future and a hope" despite where you've been. I learned that type of love first exhibited through my parents, then when I accepted Christ as my own, and most recently from a friend I have come to love. To be loved right where you are is the best feeling, affirmation in the world. Not that you don't strive to be better, but that you are enough, just because. I wish this type of love to be experienced by all. So to Love I say thank you for loving me first...showing me how its done...

Kicking Against the Prick

If I follow my true nature, I am a free individual, spontaneous, open, trusting, and unencumbered. As I have grown and matured, my free will has been tempered, shaped and tamed by my desire to be an adult, adhere to Christian principles, become a law abiding good citizen, and an ideal employee and person. Discipline and consistency is something I struggle with daily. For example, I rarely wake up at the same time every day, my morning routine varies most days, and although I always shower and brush my teeth, the order in which they occur may change each day. Creating a routine, doing anything every week, let alone everyday, is something I struggle with. My good friend Dwight once remarked that routines help to alleviate stress and give us a smoother path to follow. I have habits, good and bad. When attempting to develop a new habit, I have very rarely made it through the 21 days the medical records say is necessary to create a new one. Which is why I rarely take vitamins (don't remember to take them each day) and almost never know what I'm going to wear before the day I need to wear it. I won't go as far as to say I don't have any routine in my life, but even my routine things happen unroutinely. This practice of "kicking against the prick" hasn't always served my best interest over the years. Lately, the Holy Spirit is challenging me on being, not appearing. Looking in the mirror I have some blemishes that I need to tend to so I can have a "clear" face when its time for me to shine. So I'm taking a challenge and I'm starting with discipline and consistency. Tonight, I commit to blogging every day for 30 days about something. I'm also committing to read one chapter a day for 30 days. I commit to taking my vitamins everyday. I'm committing to prayer and studying the Word. Finally, I'm committing to exercising everyday for 30 days. Talk about piling it on, I am skeptical even as I type of the results. I know I can, so I will. It is my prayer that perhaps by developing a routine and some discipline in these areas, it will transfer into other areas of my life. So here goes... Gosh! I'll need your prayers.