A Note About Friendship

Tonight I'm disturbed that hospitalization no longer alarms me. They are her "new norm." I've become accustomed to the long pauses between texts, several days before voicemails are returned, and the whispered, half-asleep voice that answers the times when she catches it ringing. Their are too many miles to travel for daily visits, and I can't send orchids each time. My peace is in the gift God blessed her with, her husband, a guy who I know God created to take care of her. I'm thankful to God for him. I thought back to a converstation had at a birthday brunch I attended last Saturday for a dear friend. One of the other ladies in attendance remarked that she was rich in friendship. I had to cosign on that profession, for I too am rich in friendship. My friends are the ones people dream of having, God-fearing, progressive, compassionate, intelligent, wise, fun, real, and growing. I will continue to pay whatever the premiums necessary to continue to have these quality friendships as a part of my life. My prayer is that I provide for them the same joy and enrichment they provide to my life each and every day. Finally, I thought of just how simple, yet profound, the impact of friendship plays on our lives. There are studies that support friendship is good for our well being. Khalil Gibran says, "Your friend is your needs answered. He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving." I certainly attest to that. Tonight I thought about Nancy, how simple our friendship was, lunch, black films, author events, concerts, library meet ups, dollar movies, naps on the couch. She was one of the few friends who had time to "drop by", sit around the house and talk, a lost art I plan to pick back up. Tonight I'm missing her a lot, the simplicity and ease at which our friendship flowed. We would have texted all last night about the election, Called each other today and chatted about it and the crazy folks we may have encountered or saw. She was easy. Resonating in my spirit over and over again is that she always made time. I must learn to make more time like that for my friends, just one more lesson she leaves with us. Whatever the cost in life to have friends like her, and others which remain integral parts of my life, I will continue to pay for as long as I live, for the return on investment for me have been priceless: the gift of life. May each of you experience the LIFE and LOVE that comes from having and being a friend. My friends save my life, everyday. And I am thankful to God for being so merciful and graceful to have sent them my way.

Thank you for loving me first...

I learned early on about agape love, the kind of love that overlooks faults and covers your past as if it hasn't happened with a caveat not to repeat it. I've known this love for myself since I was 6 years old when I took that long walk down the aisle to the front of the church to give my heart to the Lord. My love walk is my daily struggle, especially with those I have identified as selfish. Today's course of events have challenged me in several ways. They have made me more conscious of others, yet to take better care of myself. It reminded me again that I do not live in a vacuum, that my life is to share with others, and that how I take care of myself determines what others are able to get from me. Most of all, today I was reminded of the type of love that compelled me to the altar at 6 years old. The type of love that sees the mess you are, the faults you possess, and the embarrassment and shame of sin on your countenance and says still "it's ok." If you're like me, you lack confidence in your walk when there are things that you know you should have/could have done better. There are times when my acceptance of guilt for things gone wrong has paralyzed me with the enemies' thoughts of unworthiness. Isn't it a blessing, however, that love even removes the sting of guilt and shame and restores your confidence and boldness, not in your own actions, but in the promises contained in the Word, like Jeremiah 29, that this is "a future and a hope" despite where you've been. I learned that type of love first exhibited through my parents, then when I accepted Christ as my own, and most recently from a friend I have come to love. To be loved right where you are is the best feeling, affirmation in the world. Not that you don't strive to be better, but that you are enough, just because. I wish this type of love to be experienced by all. So to Love I say thank you for loving me first...showing me how its done...

Kicking Against the Prick

If I follow my true nature, I am a free individual, spontaneous, open, trusting, and unencumbered. As I have grown and matured, my free will has been tempered, shaped and tamed by my desire to be an adult, adhere to Christian principles, become a law abiding good citizen, and an ideal employee and person. Discipline and consistency is something I struggle with daily. For example, I rarely wake up at the same time every day, my morning routine varies most days, and although I always shower and brush my teeth, the order in which they occur may change each day. Creating a routine, doing anything every week, let alone everyday, is something I struggle with. My good friend Dwight once remarked that routines help to alleviate stress and give us a smoother path to follow. I have habits, good and bad. When attempting to develop a new habit, I have very rarely made it through the 21 days the medical records say is necessary to create a new one. Which is why I rarely take vitamins (don't remember to take them each day) and almost never know what I'm going to wear before the day I need to wear it. I won't go as far as to say I don't have any routine in my life, but even my routine things happen unroutinely. This practice of "kicking against the prick" hasn't always served my best interest over the years. Lately, the Holy Spirit is challenging me on being, not appearing. Looking in the mirror I have some blemishes that I need to tend to so I can have a "clear" face when its time for me to shine. So I'm taking a challenge and I'm starting with discipline and consistency. Tonight, I commit to blogging every day for 30 days about something. I'm also committing to read one chapter a day for 30 days. I commit to taking my vitamins everyday. I'm committing to prayer and studying the Word. Finally, I'm committing to exercising everyday for 30 days. Talk about piling it on, I am skeptical even as I type of the results. I know I can, so I will. It is my prayer that perhaps by developing a routine and some discipline in these areas, it will transfer into other areas of my life. So here goes... Gosh! I'll need your prayers.

Diggin' in Dirt: Day 5

Each day this week I have faithfully gone out to "the square" and watered and looked after my garden. I'm proud of myself for the discipline to face the mosquitos and their quest to dominate my backyard and attack any half inch of uncovered skin they find on my person. Lessons learned over the last 3 days 1. I had to go back and poke a hole in the landscape fabric so the roots of the plants would have stretching room (per country co-worker Jill), but when I dug underneath, I ran into rocks! Ugh! I'm hoping that I can somehow build enough soil into the raised garden so the roots won't reach the rocks. 2. Sometimes you have to look really close for signs of growth, especially when you're looking every day (like me- I told you I was a "lets get there" person). The weather after work today was perfect. A nice breeze from the rain front that came through last night. I think I'm going to attempt to make the hike down the hill behind my house, and see what I will find in "the woods." I'll keep you posted on the expedition.

Someone or something has been digging in my garden.... I wonder who (or what)?

One more hole.

Zuchinni buds on my plant. Yay!!!

More Zucchini buds.

An extra stem has grown on the Watermelon plant. The new one is on the left.

Another look at my zucchini plant. That's all for today! I'm going to try not to look at them for the weekend, pending we have a dry spell and they need watering. More to come after week 1.

Diggin' In Dirt: Day 2

So, in an effort to fulfill some of my deepest desires and goals before the year is out, I decided to act out on the year's old desire to have a vegetable garden. I will attempt to track the growth of my red and green peppers, squash, zuchinni, sweet potatotes, cucumbers, and just for fun, watermelon now planted in an 8 by 8 square in my backyard. In order for this to be as fun as possible, I'll make this mostly pictoral with short captions and "lessons learned" only. I'm not interested in explaining step by step, only to share my own journey into providing my own food source and expand my domestic skills for "infinity and beyond" (in my best Buzz Lightyear voice) Lessons Learned: Day 2 1. No matter where you go outside, the whole world is inhabited by spiders, spiders, and more spiders- SHEESH. Take a look at this brown recluse (it may not be but it sure as heck looks like one) who thought is was clever to surprise me as I pulled my hose out to water today. Uh uh uhhhh! Sprayed him with fungicide, he closed up and stayed still. I realized he was still alive when I gently prodded him with a pen and he sprung back up and had to step on him.

2. Mosquitos will find your flesh!!! OMG. I was covered head to toe but a mosquito somehow found my wrist and a small uncovered part of my ankle. Pray for me saints!!! 3. Farming (its just fun to say) is a process! Definitely a great lesson for this "lead foot", let's get there person.

Buying plants and dirt

Waiting for the grass and weeds to die.

Putting down the landscape fabric (don't ask-I had no idea).

Dirt piles.

Mixing the dirt.

Planting the plants.

Space properly.

Water the plants.

Watering still.

All done... for today. 4. Being outside, even for the short 15 to 20 minutes I was outside watering this evening, did much to help me wind down and relax after work. The sounds of the water, cars passing by, voices in the wind, the breeze (or lack there of), and the solitude were an added value to my life experience today. And I thoroughly enjoyed it! Pray for a bumper crop!

Murder 1 or Not?

Good morning my people, Reading the information and hearing the new stories surrounding the Trayvon Martin case, I have heard the terms "murder 1" thrown about quite a bit. I'm also a big fan of the CSI's, Bones, and those type shows so I hear these all the time. Not being a legal expert, I decided to look up the degrees of murder to have a full understanding of the circumstances that mandate one over the other and found this useful guide on answers.com. I wanted to share it with you in hopes that perhaps it would give you a clear indication of what the terms mean as they are being thrown around in our everyday news intake. (If you already knew- consider it a quick reminder) Classical legal definition: Note that eash US state creates their own definitions for crimes. They can vary from place to place. The following is a good guide: First Degree Murder:, AKA Murder 1- Murder with malice aforethought. This classically requires Mens rea and Actus Reas -- evil intent and evil act. So 1st degree would include: Premeditated murder (Usually includes poisoning) Lying in wait (ambush) Murder for hire Murder to cover evidence Second Degree Murder, AKA Murder 2- Murder with intent but without planning. The murderer must intend to kill the victim, and succeed in the killing, but will not have planned ahead of time to do this. This would include a killing made spontaneously during a bar fight, for instance. So again, there is intent to kill and the act of killing -- hence murder. Manslaughter: Manslaughter requires a homocide without intent. Typical classes are Accidental, Negligent, Reckless (Endangerment leading to). Most often, manslaughter invovles a homocide during the commission of a (lesser) crime, without intent to kill. Special Circumstances. In departure from classical murder charges, Murder 1 or 2 may now be charged in: Cases of DUI, where there is a fatality (even though there is no determined intent). Special Circumstances: During the commission of a certain class of felony (varies between jurisdiction), someone is killed by the perpetrator of the felony, but without any intent to kill. Also referred to as Felony Murder Rule, if you commit murder while committing a felony, it is 1st Degree Murder. Special Circumstances -- Police Action. In some states, during the commission of a felony, if the police, acting to apprehend the perpetrator, accidentally commit a homocide, either of an innocent bystander, a fellow officer or another suspect, the perpetrator may be charged with murder (often in the 1st degree). If, when avoiding aprehension, a TVA* fatality occurs, the perpetrator may be charged with murder (1st usually) even in the absense of intent. Note that Special Circumstances are a deviation from the classical formula for murder, which required a homocide and specific intent. Happy Wednesday!

New Years Pursuit of Happyness

Thursday morning this week as I drove to work the sun shone brightly and its rays reached my face a little after 7 am as I crossed the intersection of I-459 and I-20. I vowed to write about that warmth sometime that day but with the push and pull of obligations, never got around to it. As a writer, I've been away from my craft too long. I've studied life without many words for quite some time and I am now ready to comment on the many beautiful and ugly things I've seen in the last year. While I wish I could pretend that I'm going to commit to writing everyday, this notion is foolhardy and asinine given we have 24 hours each day and my hours slip away so quickly as of late I'm astonished that my eyes are closing at 11 pm or after more often than I would like. I will take a pragmatic approach and vow to myself that one morning or evening a week, I'll indulge in the simple pleasure of posting something. As of late I have been listening to the audiobook "Start Where You Are" by Chris Gardner (everytime I think of Chris, I want to say Darden... why is that?). I have thoroughly enjoyed the his voice on his life walk and suggest the book to you. I have also committed to renewing myself. A lady at a friends church is taking them through a renewal spiritual exercise and I'm going to start for real today. Each day has a scripture focus and writing assignment. If you like doing these things, I can be sure you have the next days if you email me at crystalgood@hotmail.com. Day 1 (which I completed last week-don't judge me) is this:

Focus Scripture: Psalm 141:8 If you are going to allow God to totally heal you, first you’ve got to make a personal commitment to ALLOW Him to change your heart. Together, let's walk 21 days of healing. We will start by first, writing down ALL of the areas of our lives that are in need of healing. And as we allow God to heal us, we will be able to check off those things and move forward. It’s our goal to check off everything on our list as a sign of healing taking place. Assignment #1 Write your list of the areas in need of healing, be TOTALLY open and honest. DO NOT PROCRASTINATE!!!

I'm back to blogging. Happy New Year!

Delicate Dealings

Last night I learned a valuable lesson about sharing things about people. The lesson can be summed up in Kurt Kobain's quote, We have no right to express an opinion until we know all of the answers. My approach to expressing my opinion about something dealing with a family member ended up causing alarm and anger and led to a deep offense. My motive and intent were questioned and ultimately were dismissed to smeer tactics. If I had known then what I know now, I may have remained silent. In retrospect, however, it is probably a good thing that I now know that there was an unknown issue from before that had gone unspoken. It also opened up other conversation that led to a better understanding of a current situation. I am grateful for the lesson but deeply saddened by the outcome and the potential loss of a great relationship. Word to the wise: Always be aware of the risk involved with sharing your opinions with others about things that are dear to them. Assess that risk before opening your mouth.

Saving a Child or Ruining a Nation?

Today this is sitting on my chest so intensely that I had to share My coworker and his wife have been in the process of adopting two Ugandan children over the last year. Last month he went for a hearing in Uganda, the almost last step before the children came home with them only to be denied adoption of the two children after being there for less than 2 days. They were crestfallen and immediately filed an appeal for their case to be heard before a different judge. The judge ruled against the adoption and, per my coworker, has a reputation for blocking adoptions of any Ugandan children to foreigners, only granting the right of adoption to domestic parents. The shared rationale for his decision was that America had enough problems as it is for its citizens to venture across the ocean to adopt children. They also share that children being adopted by foreign parents was adding to the demise of Uganda as a nation. Coworkers reaction was one of disbelief, a huffing "How dare he deny these children the right to loving homes," and general distaste for his remarks about his feelings about foreign adoption. With the responses came a brief narrative of the story of one of the children indicating that the infant had been left on the jungle floor alone and had been found. Her reaction was "Why would a judge allow a child who had been abandoned to remain unadopted based on a nationality glitch?" As I sit here, I'm looking at this is two different lights. My first thought in response to my coworkers remarks is that there are millions of orphan children right here in the U.S. that are overlooked just as easily as they feel these Ugandan children have been. How much thought do we give to these children who's faces are not plastered on a commercial but equally as in need. My second thought is, if what they say is true about the rationale behind the judges decision, that in fact, the slow siphon of Ugandan children out of Uganda by foreigners is in fact adding to the demise of the nation, what indications in his society would lead him to that statement of opinion. I don't have any knowledge about the adoption process. I do, however, have a handful of childhood friends who I grew up with that were foster children, a few of them actually being adopted, but most not ever experiencing that. We had three foster homes on my street and my first best friend Tamekia and her brother Anthony were placed at my neighbor, Mrs. Howards house because their mother left for the store and never returned. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this.

Digging In My Roots Again

This afternoon I returned home and felt inclined to spend time "digging in my roots", researching Joe Goodley on my family tree. I positioned myself on my bed, pulled out my family binder and logged onto ancestry.com. Hoping to make some progress in my search for who this man is/was, I clicked the green leaf next to his name and it led me to 5 hints the program suggested. Four of the five were not helpful, referencing Joe Goodley's in other states too far from his last known whereabouts to be relevant. The last tab I checked on was ironically the first tab listed. It was a link to another family tree named the Watts Family Tree and the information on their tree matched exactly to my own. A stream of excitement rushed through my veins. In my binder, I have the funeral programs for my great grandfather Will Goodman Sr and great grandmother Willie Mae Goodman. With the information on the program, I updated the death dates on my family tree. Within 20 minutes of my update, I had 3 more hints and the program offered a few more lines to connect my dots. What prompted this afternoon exploration is that I have been feeling impressed upon to be able to tell my personal story within the context of the places, people, and times that made me who I am. The notes that I have taken over the years and the diary entries from interviews with family members has made this journey one in education, understanding, hope, and inspiration. This search has brought into my path so many stories and other things that I never anticipated that started while doing a class assignment April 6, 1995. One unexpected thing I found in my binder is a series of letters I typed to my sister in 2000 telling her about me and my life and giving her advice based on my experiences. In a letter written September 15, 2000, I wrote to her about the Black College Campus tour and the wellness forum where Sistah Souljah was keynote. In true Sistah Souljah fashion, she ignited in me with 9 tips that are relevant even today. I now share them with you. 1. Don't waste time 2. Use time to do reading outside of the sylabus 3. Develop sisterhood 4. Take every negative experience and turn it into a postivie one. 5. Keep strong friendships 6. Create businesses 7. Remember politics 7. Develop family and community 8. Get respect and love for yourself As an aside, I encourage you to find a way to document the times of your life. Whether everyday, once a week or month, or just on the days that mean the most to you, find a way to mark the date, time, and place so you can be reminded of your own journey, see how far you have come, understand who you were then and how you became who you are now. Leave crumbs along the path, so, if one day you must return, you can find your way back.

37 Days and Counting: Our Children

This morning I watched about a dozen children emerge from everywhere when the yellow flashing lights came on, the mechanical stop sign swung out when the accordian door opened to welcome them onto the "big cheese". Some scurried out of idling vehicles into line, others walked leisurely from several yards away along the side as if the bus didn't have time frame in which to deliver them. I almost missed watching the moblizing of our future wrapped up in the routine of leaving home, eating cereal, but a gentle nudge appealed to my childlike sense of wonder and as I waited for the bus to pass, I reveled in watching these children, seeing personalities and life approaches in the way they boarded. It reminded me of the Birmingham Change Fund, of the work that these talented individuals are doing collectively to leave an indellible print of the positive trajectory of education in the Birmingham City Schools. It shamed me into being more creative about how I can contribute to a process we are in the middle of despite my tight time and obligation constraints. Surely there is a way.

Most importantly it reminded me to pay attention to each moment, to seek earnestly the opportunities of today, to search them out, lie in wait of anticipation, so I may maximize the day I have before me. It reminds me of the miracles Jesus performed in opening blind eyes. Lord, open my blind eyes. Let me see what's right in front of me. To see the potential in today. This is my Thursday morning prayer.

Can't Sleep

So it's 3:01 am and I'm up, and not just your sleepy eyed in and out of sleep up where you can roll over and resume the REM sleep. I'm talking about the kind of up where the sun is at 12 o' clock and you should be awake up. This is the third night in the last three weeks that I have been awakened during sleeping hours. The first two nights I managed to lay here long enough to slip back into sleep. But tonight, I was awakened twice, once a little after midnight then again a little after 1.

My upbringing taught me that being awakened in the night should direct me to prayer and reading the Bible and listening to hear a word. When Samuel was a young boy in the care of the prophet Eli, he heard his name called several times during the night. Each time he ran to the old Eli thinking it was him. When Eli realized what was going on, he instructed Samuel to answer "here I am Lord" the next time he heard his name called. It changed Samuel's life forever.

I have drifted from my first love; it has been subtle and slow veering from what I know to be right for me. This morning is an attempt to get my attention, a confirmation to the message and tug. I have a trust issue that needs some work. A focus that needs realignment. A heart that needs reshaping. A mind that needs renewing.

So here I am Lord. Speak, I'm listening.

An Unexpected Sistertalk about Sisterhood

This evening when I got to my house, I brought in the grocery from my afterwork Wal-mart stop and placed the items in their places. Retrieving the salad from the refridgerator, I fixed myself a healthy portion of the leftover salad and added more flavor with small strips of chicken breast from the still hot rotisserie chicken I'd picked up on the way home. I settled at my dining room table with a Capri Sun as my drink of choice for an early dinner before engaging in my evening activities.

My sister, visiting for the summmer from VA, plopped down in the seat across from me, watching as I repeatedly lifted the fork from my bowl to my mouth. Between succulent bites she asked me different questions, inquisitive about certain things she'd seen around the house. At some point she looked up at me sheepishly and hesitantly asked "What does Delta do?"

Although interested in her previous questions, this one had my attention, especially considering the fresh appreciation I held for the topic she inquired about. I know what she's heard from a close loved one about the organization and I knew she already had a picture, albeit muddy and somewhat negative, of who Delta is. So this was my chance to share with her something that I have come to cherish and to dispel the previous messages she's heard. A chance to share first hand information as fodder for her to form her own thoughts about it.

Being a history buff (she was just now telling me about napalm, something that WWII soldiers used- yes she also talked about Agent Orange) I began my talk with saying "Delta does community service."

Her immediate next question was "Oh, like the Eastern Stars?"

To which I replied "Both organizations do community service, but they are different."

I explained to her that the first act of these 22 forward thinking women was to march in the Womens Suffrage March in Washington, DC.

"Oh yeah, like with Susan B Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton..." she inquired, indicating she had read about them in her text book.

"Yes," I said.

"Oh, they didn't say anything about the black women who marched."

Pregnant pause then I replied "Yes, that's how some of these text books are written. But they were there..."

Then I went into all the programs I could remember that Delta does in the communities nationally. I also told her about the school Delta established in Africa. I explained that Delta women are interested in leaving the world a better place than they inherited for the entire community but especially as it relates to the African American woman.

After hearing all this, she commented "Not to be mean or disrespectful or anything, but do they do anything for the other races?"

Stunned at the depth of her understanding of what I just mentioned, I told her yes, that Delta serves the community and the community involves all races. I mentioned to her the different nationalities that are represented in the Delta sisterhood. I told her my story of recently meeting a white Delta sister at UAB's Spring 2010 commencement. We then called out the names of the family members who are Deltas and I told her about the Deltas who were my mentors in college.

She was smiling by the end of our conversation. "I like that... Aren't you proud to be apart of that organization?"

I smiled back, "Yes, yes I am."

She replied, nodding her head yes "I'm proud for you. I'm glad I asked."

With a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart for my talk with my brilliant little sister, I replied, "so am I."

30 and counting...

"In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.(Charlie Brown)"
- Charles Schulz

This morning I awakened at the sound of a Billboard Top 20 R&B Song playing on Hot107.7. I often wondered what it would be like to be a third watch radio disc jockey, you know the kind that get to use their pillow voices to announce the name of the artist and song they're about to play or just played. Would I even want to be up that late working? Who would be listening with the majority of the world fast asleep, well into their second dream in REM? I sleepily reached over to the singing black box and gently press the rectangle grey button in the middle. Silence. I listen for any movement downstairs, any indication of disturbing the slumber of my loved ones but nothing but silence greeted me.

I murmured prayers of thanksgiving for a new day, another birthday, keeping me safe through the night. Ever since my friend slipped into eternity in her sleep I am more cognizant of just how blessed I am to have opened my eyes again.

Charlie Brown had it right about the answers not being in the back. I often pray for the answers up front, before I even begin, in hopes of avoiding being wrong. Lately I've considered if life is one big test that we're studying to pass only they never end. After you pass one, there's another, and another, and still another. At 30, I've passed my fair share and failed a few too. Some days I sure wish I had the answer key.

Today is my 30th birthday. As I drove home from class tonight, I was disappointed, crying, humiliated. I didn't make my usual call during my commute home, instead speaking aloud my thoughts to the Creator in silence, vacillating between questioning and encouraging, despair and hope, tears and laughter. Closer to home my love phoned me. Considering the late hour I'm sure he was waiting to hear news of the days events. All I can say is "baby you the best... baby you the best..."

When I entered my home, my sister was standing in the hallway, laughing uncontrollably at herself as she pressed her goggles deep into her eye sockets, causing her eyes to bulge. The gesture tickled her. She followed me upstairs informing me of the days events and that there was a gift for me. When she saw my tears and heard the story, she immediately wrapped her slender arms around me, reassuring me that I did my best, and that it was going to be OK. My tears multiplied as the love a 12 year old engulfed my heart and gave my spirit a place to release. She is my sunshine. My mother, although entertaining a conversation on the phone, hugged me and rubbed my back. The power of the human touch is indescribable.

I'm 30. I have no complaints about my life thus far. At one point in my life, I thought I had justification for being mad at the world, being aloof, being numb. Thankfully the Creator could reach the core of me, restoring, and reminding my soul of its need to be involved with Creation. The goods far outweigh the bad. My life has been overshadowed with favor, grace, mercy, love, and protection. I simply could not ask for a better life.

I stand today a beautiful connected being: inside and out. So although I don't have all the answers, sitting here winding down my 30th birthday, and perhaps sometimes the messages I hear sound like Charlie Brown's mom (waah waah waah), I can rest in the fact that I am accepted and loved just as I am, just where I am. And in the words of Amy Grant...“I can look at the future with anticipation. And it's comforting to know that someday, as Christians, we'll be able to look back and have a little more clarity on why certain things in life happened.”

When in doubt, find something to laugh at. Tonight, it has made all the difference. And today, today was filled with messages of love from friends, family, and strangers. All reminders of the Creator's love for me. To all my lovies, thank you for your well wishes on facebook, voicemail, LinkedIn and text message. You all enrich my life. I'm a wealthy woman because of you.

Jeremiah 29:11

2 Days to 30

Speak the truth in love. Open rebuke is better than hidden love. Love your neighbor as yourself. Today the Creator used me to bring a message of hope and encouragement to a friend. It was so affirming to me and reminded me of the message Sis. Dee Edwards brought to our Youth on Sunday "I am Still the One God wants to Use."

I love the way the creator never ceases to meet us just where we are in ways that are instructive but not demanding, rebuking but not condemning, exposing but not without protection and covering. In our brokenness he is available to mend us back to wholeness if we are daring enough, courageous enough to step past our pain and fear and guilt and really be transparent and imperfect. He accepts us as we are and loves us just the same nudging us to be better through his words of love.

3 Days To 30

Tonight I studied while listening and half watching the BET Awards. I was thrilled to see the Michael Jackson tribute tonight and even more thrilled to see that the person I feel would best embody that performance was the person they choose: Chris Brown. I've found myself missing him from the music scene. Odd to me being that I was not a fanatic Chris Brown fan. I am fond of him because he's from Virginia, my mothers home state, and could dance and sing his rump off. Saddened by the events that transpired in his life, I am glad that tonight, he embodied what a true tribute to a late legendary influence invokes- utter humility and deep sadness. Maybe its just where I am today, in a place of reflection, but honoring someone as phenomenal and transcending as Michael Jackson should be more than just a cutesy performance, it should be gut wrenching and we should all feel the emotion of the performance, like we did tonight.

This weekend I was witness to the creative brilliance of letting people do what it is they love to do, unencumbered and with the support of just a few people saying "Do your thing." I got text messages from friends on vacation at the beach, refreshing their souls and spirits in the breezes of salty water vapors, in spite of what the evening news says about the devastation washing up on our vacation getaways.

I saw myself Saturday, saw that I need more practice delegating responsibilities, more practice at taking care of what's more important to me at the present. More practice of taking care of me. But luckily, I have help to remind me to do that when I allow my desire to be everything and do everything for others gets in the way of what I should do for myself. I love these people. Tonight I'm grateful for the people who care for me.

Day 2:Crash Course in Finance- Simple Pleasures

Wednesday, June 02, 2010, 7:26 pm
Day 2 of a 21 day course in Corporate Finance:

I consider myself very special when today I parked in the business lot at UAB, with about 15 minutes to spare before class, just turning on the radio and my current favorite song is just beginning, today its “Window Seat” by Erykah Badu.

I roll down my windows, let the breezy cool air flow through my vehicle as I stare at the ominous clouds that indicate heavy rain is just around the corner.

I just spent the last hour playing around with my financial calculator learning how to punch in the right numbers to get future and present values to money and I’m feeling pretty confident about my grasp on those problems, at least the easy ones.

I thoroughly enjoyed the Waffle House atmosphere for studying and I’m glad I forewent the Surin West crowd in favor of a waffle, scrambled eggs, hash browns, and hot tea for my dinner. The booth provided just enough space for me to stretch out with my class lecture notes, my book, my calculator, and with only about 4 other people in the small restaurant that shares an adjacent wall with a hotel, it was quiet enough that I could really concentrate with just enough white noise to make it cozy and not an uncomfortable silence. This waffle house is kind of nestled on the edge of the uab campus, and on any given night about 2 am it would be packed with hungry clubbers looking for a cheap midnight meal. But today, on a Wednesday night, only regulars come, a church member stopping by to say hello to the cook on their way to bible study.

Now off to class...

Helping Mend Lives

I'm sure you all watched the news and saw the catastrophe of the earthquake in Haiti last evening. After seeing such devastation, my own heart strings are tugged, especially since my loved on has family there. I am hopeful in this; the Creator knew and knows how to mend broken lives even in the midst of catastrophe, He is an ever present in time of need.

Maybe you too were moved with compassion and may be wondering what can you do to help?

I know two immediate ways that will take less than 5 minutes to complete:

1. PRAY. Please pray for strength, peace, wisdom, resources, and restoration to the Haitian people.

2. GIVE: Ask all your friends to text the word "yele" to the number 501501. You can text up to 6 times using this method. Each time you do, it donates $5 to Wyclef Jean's Charity, Yele Haiti.

To give to the charity more directly, please visit http://www.yele.org/ and click on Donate Now and donate that way.

Thank you in advance for consideration and support in this time of great need. May the bread you cast upon the water today return to you after many days when you are in need. (Ecclesiastes 11:1).

The Best In Me

Tonight while reviewing calculus functions I had a Celebration of Gospel playing on my television for some background noise. It celebrated its tenth anniversay and Steve Harvey has hosted every year. In a surprise addition to the show, BET paid honor and tribute to Steve Harvey for being a wonderful committed host for the last ten years both in song and in word. In musical tribute to Steve, Donny McClurkin encouraged him and sang "We fall down" as Steve, unaware of the tribute, sat humbly with his wife and fought tears. After Donny McClurkin came Marvin Sapp, singing a song entitled "God Saw the Best in Me", which Steve Harvery, already wiping heavy tears falling down his face, buried his face in his hand and cried.

As I watched, my memory took to a few months ago when Steve Harvey, in the inspirational portion of his morning show, spilled his heart about the Celebration of Gospel awards show, how he was considering not hosting it, thought he wouldn't be asked again. But how he received a call from BET and it humbled him because he didn't feel like the most worthy person to serve as host and yet they asked him back. He experienced God agape love in this experience.

It also reminded me of a conversation with several people about Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man, a New York Times best seller. The people criticized his audacity to write a book about relationships when he's had two previous marriages end in divorce. They questioned his credibility in giving advice altogether. And tonight, as I watched him cry, I thanked God that people are not our judge. I thanked God that our past decisions do not determine how God feels about us, that He stills sees the best in us despite what our past may indicate. I asked God to not allow me to make judgements about peoples' value to the kingdom based on their lives. I thanked God that just like God showed his unconditional love for Steve in this gesture of honoring him for his commitment to BET, He too shows his unconditional love towards me each day for me.

Sitting next to him, with her arm wrapped around his shoulders, was his beautiful wife, watching him with loving eyes. And I thought, who's to say that just becuase a man/woman has had some things to not work out in their lives, that they still don't deserve loving companions, friends, and family surrounding them for the remainder of their lives? If God took that stance, my goodness, we would all be unloved. But it blessed me to see her there, with him, supporting him, even in his vulnerability, proud and standing by her man. I thought of my own father and the love and support he's found in an awesome woman he's been married to for 10 or so years and how despite some of the hardship he's faced in his lifetime, how God still saw fit to give him His Best in a mate that loves him and has its back. We want it for ourselves; we should want it for others.

So tonight, I'm humbled by the mercy of God's love to allow us to live our life with heads raised and hearts light becuase there is nothing that can separate us from HIS love. Let me say again: there is nothing that can separate us from the love of God. Nothing. And tonight I, and Steve Harvey, were reminded of that fact. And I am grateful.

Here's to new beginnings,
Crystal Goodman



"Now is the accepted time, not tomorrow, not some more convenient season. It is today that our best work can be done and not some future day or future year. It is today that we fit ourselves for the greater usefulness of tomorrow. Today is the seed time, now are the hours of work, and tomorrow comes the harvest and the playtime. "- W.E.B. Du Bois

Happy New Year!

To all those who have followed me over the last year, here's a special New Year's thank you for sticking with me. You'll see me here once a week for 2010. There are some big things coming up this year for me and I hope you'll stick around to hear about them.

Much success to you and your endeavors this year. May God continue to shine through you, allowing the light emitted to help you make your way along the path he has destined.

Much love, growth, and dream fulfillment,

Crys