Tonight, in the quiet of my empty home, I put on a cd of Kevin Singleton, sat back in my computer chair and closed my eyes. Having already washed my face and twisted my hair for the night, I settled back, with nothing to do but to let my heart grieve once again. The last three weeks I've been to more funerals than I have been to in the last 3 years. All of them unexpected, sudden, devastating.
As the tears escape the gate of my eyelids and plummet down the profile of my face, my heart aches. Not just for Michael, the young boy turned man who grew up to become the best entertainer this world has ever had the priviledge of seeing. Not just for the family who entertained the world and kept us dancing for decades. Not just for the children who are left without a father. I cry for the loss of innocence, the loss of a light, the loss of an opportunity for new beginnings.
I thought about the pressure he endured during his life. I only have a small idea of the greater intensity of a life exposed. I have a friend that became famous overnight and I watched him manage the delicate balancing act of his public life and his private life. Difficult to manage. So I multiply that times 1 million because this is the King of Pop. The man who sang lead on "Got to Be There", made us move with "Working Day and Night", grooved us with "Bad", introduced the world to a short film video in "Thriller", wowed us with his smoothness in "Remember the Time", compelled us to look within in "Man in the Mirror"... I mean, I could go on and on and on.
He was our entertainer. We loved him. We shared him with the world because we knew they loved him too.
Watching the deterioration of his life, the bad decisions, the lawsuits, the aesthetic changes, the bizarre behavior with his children, the unexplained reasons for the constant surrounding of children in close quarters, he fell out of my good graces and entered a category with me that I would label "Not sure; but something ain't right." I too judged him, made jokes about his misfortune, disapproved of the too skinny nose, and wondered just what the heck was going on with him.
Then I heard he was going back on tour. I was excited and disappointed. Glad that people in Europe still loved him enough to let him perform and disappointed that my financial resources wouldn't allow me to see him in person. It gave me an indication that perhaps there was still a chance for him to put a troubled 10 years behind him and be seen as the wonderful performer, dancer, entertainer and person he's always been beneath all the ugly situations that had piled on top of him. You know life has a tendency of doing that. Piling ugly things on top of you, some self imposed junk, some unrequested junk, and covers up your light, mutes your voice, and cloaks your presence to shadows. I was hoping this was his come back.
Now this. My friend called me this afternoon at work, very disturbed and anxious, asking had I heard the news about Michael Jackson. Their call caught me off guard and actually I laughed because I had never heard that much care/concern in their voice for someone who wasn't a friend or family member. There was an urgency in their voice for me to take notice, make a mark, remember this day. And as the evening wore on I realized just how much it meant to my friend that their childhood idol, our American Idol before the show exited, had departed us at such a tender age, and so suddenly and unexpectedly. They were grieving. My friend made a statement that is true for everyone. It's important that we remember that people, no matter how perfect we expect them to be, are indeed human. And the best thing you can do for a person is to give them a break and let them be. Let's try to remember this the next time we find ourselves judging and comparing and downing another individual.
Tonight, on the way home, my grief hit me. Some of it was for Michael. But also for Rogers Malbrough, for Kervin King, for Mrs. Bynum, for Pumpkin, and a few others that have passed in the last two weeks.
The world has lost a light... may his music let his life shine on...
In memory of Mike... the one who made me dance and sing out loud... I will continue
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