Preparation

Wednesday, December 02, 2009 9:01 AM


This morning as I drove into work, it was still pitch black outside. The standing water on the roads I travel to come to work was invisible in many spots and I’m glad this morning that I chose to travel at or below the speed limit on the surface roads. It is wet and cold, the two together making today of one my least favorite weather days (ya’ll know I’m ALWAYS cold, but wet and cold is the worse!) I got here early, 6:12 to be exact, logging onto my computer well before 7 am for the third day in a row, feeling pretty good. Navigating through the computer prompts, I made my way to the Blackboard site to see if any of my instructors had posted grades. In particular I was looking for my last Tax Memo grade and Final Test grade. I eagerly clicked on the highlighted message that a grade had been posted, excited about it.

56. I had to search the page to see what that meant. How many points was that out of? My eyes darted across the page, looking for an indication of scale, a standard, the measurability factor that would tell me what a 56 was. 56 out of 100? 56 out of 100! 56 OUT OF 100?! What grade is that? Let’s see, seventy is a C, sixty is a D, less than sixty is an…… F. Oh my God! I got an F on my final. My heart sank like it was tethered to an anvil and thrown into the lake. I sank to the bottom quicker than I anticipated, bubbles in tow as I lost my breath, hoping to be buoyed back to the surface by perhaps something I might have missed in my reading. But there it was on the screen: 56 out of 100. DANG! I failed my final exam. DANG! I failed my final exam. DANG! I failed my final exam. How did that happen?

I know you’re wondering: did you study? Yes, I studied.

My studying was obviously not enough and obviously not the right items. Since I made a B on the first test (mid term), I knew how to study for this class and I felt pretty confident going into the test, especially since I had gone over the problems, understood the concepts-especially concerning distributions and redemption of stock and all that (or so I thought). I had that down pat. When I got in there, there were a few things I didn’t exactly remember, so I made an educated guess using the process of elimination and went on. When I left Monday I felt ok about it. It was one of those “I think I did ok, but I’m really not sure” feelings as I drove home after class. I was not expecting to see such a profound indictment against my preparation and skill ability in this class for these particular chapters. I’m wondering what kind of sign this is. All I keep thinking is “poor preparation leads to piss poor performance.”

I’m embarrassed to be sharing this, but it’s me. Before sending this email, I reviewed my “POSSE” distribution list and saw all the names on it of people I admire, respect, love, and cherish. Some of the names on this list are those who I would rather only send the “good stuff” too, if you know what I mean. I strongly considered taking them out of the recipient list, because this is bad and I didn’t want them to know about this. But while reviewing the list, my spirit reminded me that my standard is not other people, regardless of their status in my life. My standard for excellence is not dictated by others, but comes from the One who created me. So each of you is receiving this email, unabridged and without discrimination (even though I’m more embarrassed to share this with some of you than others). I have to share the good and bad, right? The pretty and ugly (this is pretty ugly). I’m hoping sharing it is going to help me get it off my chest and into the atmosphere so I can push on. I’m also hoping that my failure on this test will help someone who reads this. (Chris and John, this is especially for you. Sometimes things just don’t work out and at the end of the day, you have to cut your losses and move forward.) Even down the last second before sending this, I contemplated scrapping the entire email. But I’m sending it.

In a strange way I feel that a conversation I had with the Lord (not Lyord) yesterday morning in prayer prepared me for today. In our conversation he was dealing with me about preparation time, how I needed to spend more time in preparation for what was to come. I have always been what the world calls a “one-take” kind of girl. A lot of things I am able to do without a lot of time and prior preparation because I was just good at it. For assignments, I could do things a day or two before, turn it in and get an A. For creative ventures, I could make up things on the spot and it would turn out great. But yesterday, the Creator clearly told me that the things that I am to do in the future will not be able to be done in “one-take” and that I would have to prepare extensively for their success. With that hovering in my spirit like a humming bird over a fresh bloom, I stepped into today and walked right into the manifestation of those words. I studied for two days, ample time for me in the past. But obviously, this was my first lesson in my revelation. So to the Creator I say “point taken.”

So as disappointed as I am in myself, today will pass and I will prepare myself better for what’s ahead. Are there things in your life you need to be preparing for? I’m learning through the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People that the Quadrant II Things are where most of our time should be spent (See below). Don’t spend your entire life in Quadrant I, III, or IV. Not sure what the Creator is dealing with you about, but when you see it or hear it, take heed.


I’ll be alright. I definitely have some more praying to do, more fasting to do, more listening to do. And as embarrassed as I am, I’m grateful to be able to share my weakness. I’m trading this weakness in for a strength. If you see me veering off the path, you have my permission to call me out.

Side note: Would you share your preparation techniques with me? For life, for tests, for presentations, for whatever. There is a wealth of information in you and I’d like to draw on that. Please share something with me, if only a little nugget.

Embarrassed but growing,

Crys